Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
