I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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