I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
