I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
