Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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