i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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