I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
