I just pynch a tree in the face
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
