Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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