In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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