Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished