saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.