I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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