i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
