we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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