I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mom said you looked used
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
