I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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