Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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