You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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