uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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