Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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