her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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