Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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