he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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