Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no you cant smoke seaweed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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