How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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