I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
