I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
