i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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