Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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