i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
