Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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