dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
