It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
