I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
