drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
