bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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