Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he fucked my hip out of place.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
