my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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