bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
