you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you had me at cake vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
