Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
