I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
