I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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