so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
