sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
