I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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