you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
