clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
