I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
