Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
