..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
