'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
