Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
