I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
