We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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