You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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