i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize