Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
