I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
