Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
