In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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