So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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