I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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