your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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