pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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