if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
