Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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