Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
