gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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