Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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