I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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