you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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