He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
