I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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