Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
